During periods of high stress, many people unwittingly neglect to take care of themselves. Divorce can be one of the most stressful events in a person’s life and can lead to unhealthy habits.

If you are going through a divorce, it can be helpful to stop, take time to evaluate your habits and create a plan to take positive steps to protect your mental and physical health. This is especially important if you have children. You will need to be healthy and strong for them during your divorce.

Get Support

Family and friends can provide emotional support, but unless they have gone through a divorce and have felt the stress you are feeling, they may not understand. Friends may mean well but might not have a clue about what you are going through when they give you advice. A local divorce support group can be a good resource to meet with others with similar experiences and circumstances.

Exercise

Although it may be the last thing you feel like doing – especially if you are feeling depressed – exercise can be a wonderful stress reliever. Aside from the physical benefits of increased activity, working out can give you some peaceful time alone so you can leave your troubles behind for a little while.

Incorporating an exercise routine into your life can give you a more positive outlook and make you feel more energized. This may make you feel more able to tackle issues in your life.

Diet and Divorce

Stress causes some people gain weight, while others forget to eat and drop pounds quickly. It’s important to be conscious of your eating habits, especially during periods of high stress such as divorce.

If the stress of your divorce causes you to feel depressed and overeat, an exercise program may help you beat the blues and eliminate stress-induced eating. You may skip meals or forget to eat during your divorce. Get back into healthy eating habits to help make a difference in the way you feel. If you neglect proper nutrition, you may cause yourself health problems, which can increase your stress levels even more.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

If you are considering or have decided to divorce, one of your first questions may be how to choose a divorce lawyer to represent you.

You may already have a family lawyer who helped you draft a will or handled traffic tickets for you, but for a divorce, it’s important that you select a lawyer who specializes in family law and regularly handles divorce cases.

The divorce lawyer you choose should share your philosophy. If your divorce will involve a fight over money, property or custody of children, you need a divorce attorney who is willing to fight for you and take your case to trial if necessary. Likewise, if you and your spouse hope to come to an agreement, your divorce lawyer should respect your wishes and not play hardball.

During the divorce process you will have to share intimate information and trust your attorney to handle some extremely important life issues. You should be choose a divorce lawyer with whom you are comfortable.

Read more about hiring a divorce lawyer. Need help finding a local divorce lawyer? Total Divorce can help you connect with an attorney near you. Fill out our case review to set up a preliminary consultation with a lawyer near you.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

After all the marital property – and money – is divided in a divorce, many people must begin to rebuild their savings accounts. This can be difficult, as budgets are often stretched further than ever after divorce.

In order to build up savings accounts, it is important to examine your spending habits and find new ways to save money. Some relatively painless ways to cut costs include:

Make a list before shopping – and stick to it

Many dollars that could be saved are spent on impulsive buys at the supermarket. If you know what you need before you leave the house and vow to buy only what you have on your list, you can save money on your grocery bill.

Clip coupons

Cents off coupons can really add up to big savings if you find coupons for products you would buy anyway. Some stores also have double and triple coupon days to multiply the savings. Check to be sure the coupon will really save money over a generic brand, and buy generic if it makes sense.

Pay bills on time

When you pay bills late, you not only potentially damage your credit score; you also are likely to be charged a late fee. Many bills can be conveniently paid online. You may also opt to have payments automatically deducted from your checking account before the due date in order to avoid paying late fees.

Don’t pay for services you don’t use

This may seem obvious, but we often pay for bundled services that we don’t even use. Examine your usage, especially of phone features and determine if you can save money by purchasing only the services you need, even if they are purchased separately.

Get the best deal

Of the services you decide to keep, shop around and make sure you are getting them at the lowest rate. Recent reports indicate that by informing a cable company you are shopping around, you may be able to slash your bill without changing providers.

Pack a lunch

Having lunch at a restaurant every day can be expensive and really reduce your potential savings. Making a sandwich at home can be much less expensive and often healthier too.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Victims of domestic violence are often silent. Many times this crime goes unreported, but this time the victim and alleged attacker are celebrities and the incident happened in public.

Singer Rihanna and boyfriend Chris Brown reportedly had a dispute that turned violent shortly after midnight on Feb. 8. Rihanna was reportedly injured and taken to the hospital for treatment. Brown later turned himself in to the police.

Although Rihanna and Brown are not married, domestic violence among unmarried people is not uncommon. According to a study by the Department of Justice, each year approximately 5.3 million women and 3.2 million men 18 years of age become victims of domestic violence at the hands of their intimate partners.

Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of behavior engaged to gain power and control over an intimate partner. It can include emotional, psychological, sexual or physical abuse. Rihanna reportedly suffered physical abuse. On Friday, February 20, her rep released a statement: “At the request of authorities, Rihanna is not commenting about the incident involving Brown. She wants to assure her fans that she remains strong, is doing well, and deeply appreciates the outpouring of support she has received during this difficult time.”

One week after the incident, Brown released a statement saying he was “sorry and saddened” by what happened. Brown was released on $50,000 bail on Feb. 8 and will be due in court on March 5 if authorities decide to press formal charges against him.

TMZ.com published a leaked photo, allegedly of Rihanna, taken shortly after the attack. The woman in the photo appears to have been beaten and her eyes are closed. The LAPD launched an internal investigation over the leaked photo, seemingly confirming that Rihanna was the battered female in the photo.

Learn more about domestic violence and divorce. If you have been a victim of domestic violence, you should contact your local authorities and get immediate help. You may also seek counsel from The National Domestic Violence Hotline through the Web site ndvh.org or by calling 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

If you are the custodial parent of a minor child, you may be eligible to receive child support payments from the non-custodial parent. The following tips may help you establish and collect child support.

You Must Have a Valid Child Support Order

A valid child support order issued by a family court is enforceable. A verbal or other informal agreement between parents that has not been made an order of the court may be worthless. State child support guidelines determine which parent will pay child support, how much support is to be paid and the duration of the payments. Family courts generally go by these guidelines when ordering child support.

Each State has a Child Support Enforcement Agency

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration fro Children and Families Web site lists contact information for each state’s child support enforcement agency. If you don’t have a valid child support order, you state’s agency may be able to help you obtain one. There may be a fee associated with the services provided by the agency.

Provide Your State Child Support Enforcement Agency with Correct Information

If possible, gather information regarding your ex and his or her current employer to aid your state child support enforcement agency. If you have a divorce decree or current child support order, provide the agency with copies of those documents along with your ex-spouse’s name, current address, Social Security number and employment information.

Press Charges Against a Deadbeat Parent

If all other child support collection efforts fail, you may file a petition with the family court to hold your ex-spouse in contempt of court, for failure to pay court ordered child support.

Additionally, the Deadbeat Parents Punishment Act of 1998 allows a child support violator to be prosecuted under federal law if local efforts to collect child support have been unsuccessful and a required payment hasn’t been made in more than a year or is greater than $5,000.

To learn more about child support, visit Total Divorce. If you have questions or concerns about your child support case, speak with a local divorce lawyer for both divorce and non-divorce cases.

By Gerri L. Elder

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

For single parents, the weight of day-to-day responsibilities can be overwhelming. Taking time to develop a healthy relationship with your children may seem like a luxury you cannot afford since you are trying to handle all the responsibilities two parents would typically share. But the truth is, you cannot afford to not spend time building strong relationships with their children.

One concern of most single parents is the emotional stability and wellbeing of their child. By developing and maintaining a healthy relationship with their child, parents can foster and protect the child’s emotional health.

7 Tips to Help Single Parents Develop Healthy Relationships with Children

1. Budget your time wisely. Without a clear schedule, you can easily spend every free moment taking care of household responsibilities, rather than taking time out for your children. Just as you budget your finances, you should consider budgeting time and prioritizing quality time with your child.

2. Let go of bitterness. After a difficult divorce or breakup, it’s natural to harbor ill feelings towards an ex; however, you must always keep in mind that the ex is still one of the child’s parents. Children can be hurt by being in the middle of disputes between parents. If at all possible, it’s best for you and your child to let go of hard feelings.

3. Set a good example for your child. If you have a negative outlook on life, you are likely influencing your child with your negativity – even if you don’t realize it. It is far better to be an upbeat, positive-thinking role model for your child.

4. Let your child be a child. Single parents must keep in mind that children are not peers. In developing a healthy relationship, you should not confide in your child about adult matters.

5. Be consistent. Consistency breeds security. It’s especially important for single parents to be consistent with rules and discipline. A child is much more secure in a household where there are rules and boundaries.

6. Listen to and respect your child. In order to show your children that their thoughts and feelings are important, you should pay attention to what your child tells you and encourage open communication every day.

7. Have fun! The duties and responsibilities of a single parent can seem never ending; however, it’s important to take the time to just have fun. Take the time to laugh with your child and forget about everything else for a while.

To get more tips about parenting after divorce, visit Total Divorce.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Financial planning is an important part of any life changing event, and divorce is no exception. To make the transition from living in a household with two incomes to only one income, careful planning is required for divorce parties.

Important Steps to Take When Planning a Divorce

• Investigate the value of all assets, including investment and retirement accounts of both spouses
• Evaluate debts and figure out who will be responsible for paying off the debts after divorce
• If children are involved in divorce, discuss child support, custody expenses, costs of traveling for child visitation and claiming children on tax returns
• Look at insurance policies to learn more about coverage and beneficiaries
• Revise wills

Additionally, ex-spouses usually create a new budget after divorce. For many, this may mean cost-cutting and living more frugally than before.

If you are considering a divorce, you should gather all of your financial information, including tax returns, wills and insurance policies. Bring these documents to your meeting with a local divorce lawyer. With all of this information, you divorce attorney will be able to advise you and protect your rights during the divorce.

Visit Total Divorce for more information about divorce and finances.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Most couples experience ups and downs in a marriage. During the down times, many may question the relationship and consider if it is time to separate or divorce.

Over time, couples can grow apart, and an evaluation of the relationship may help determine if it’s worth salvaging. Some key issues to consider may include:

• Do you and your spouse genuinely enjoy each other’s company?
• Do you still share the same goals?
• Does negativity dominate the relationship?
• Do you and your spouse still share trust and understanding?
• Do you and your spouse respect each other?
• Are you and your spouse able to discuss and resolve differences?
• Do you and your spouse have a regular sex life?

Considering all aspects of your relationship can help you make a decision about whether it may be time to separate. If the negatives far outweigh the positives, it may be clear that the time has come to split. However, if children are involved or other issues complicate a relationship, the decision may be more difficult.

Sometimes family counseling may put a relationship back on track if both parties are willing to invest time and effort into improving the relationship. If it’s not possible to repair the relationship, it may be time to consult a local divorce lawyer.

Want to speak with an attorney about legal separation and other divorce options? Find a divorce lawyer in your area.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

While a large percentage of first marriages – and even more subsequent marriages – end in divorce, for many couples there are still very good reasons to stay in the marriage and make it work.

Emotional Security – When your spouse is your best friend and confidante, the relationship provides an emotional safety net.

This can be important, especially for people who may be prone to depression. By being and having a sounding board, you and your spouse have the opportunity to safely vent frustrations or express sadness without fear of rejection, embarrassment or ridicule.

Financial Security – Married couples may have financial advantages over divorced or single people. Certainly two incomes supporting a household are better than one, and it may be easier for married couples to obtain credit than single or divorced people.

Health Advantages – Some studies show being in a happy marriage can be good for your health. Additionally, married couples have the advantage of having a spouse to look after them if they become ill.

For the Children – In some marriages, staying together for the kids may not be the best decision; however, if parents can develop a strong relationship and set good examples, they have the opportunity to be role models for their children.

Other Reasons – There are many other reasons couples choose to make their marriages work. Some marriages may be successful for a variety of reasons such as a great sex life, shared interests and hobbies or a deep religious commitment. Divorce can be stressful, so those who recognize that they have a good thing going often strive to keep it.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Married couples’ expectations for Valentine’s Day vary as much as the individuals themselves. Some couples may ignore the day completely, while others may enjoy a romantic evening together to celebrate. While many claim Valentine’s Day is made up, my mother always believed that it was not a Hallmark holiday. She once told me it was much like Mother’s or Father’s Day. You should respect and love your parents every day, but there should be a day of the year where your parents are honored for all the hard work.

Men and women have different expectations for Valentine’s Day. I always thought it was easier to buy for women than men. Typically, flowers, candy and a stuffed animal can be the perfect romantic gift for women, but does that work for men too?

People use gifts to draw some obscure conclusions about the relationship. If a gift is generally given for Valentine’s Day, a husband or wife comes to expect something similar each year.

If Valentine’s Day has been ignored or regarded as stupid during the entire relationship, suddenly presenting a gift on the 14th might be perceived as a product of guilt or regarded with suspicion.

I think we get distracted easily with what others do and get. Your sweetie may not feel that the relationship is as strong as a friend’s and their significant other because you aren’t as extravagant with the gift giving.

The best bet to avoid marital conflicts on Valentine’s Day is to stick with what you know. If you’ve never given a gift before, you might think carefully about why you’d want to give one this year. Likewise, if you have always given a gift for Valentine’s Day, your spouse likely has an expectation of a gift this year too.

Of course, celebrating your first Valentine’s Day single after divorce can be an equally emotional experience.

Do you have expectations this Valentine’s Day? Was there a time when you were disappointed or completely surprised? Have you ever been with someone who had extravagant or absurd expectations?

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.