By: Gerri L. Elder

Less than 18 months ago, a Rhode Island court denied a divorce to a same-sex couple legally married in Massachusetts. The case was the first to test the treatment of legal same-sex marriages by divorce courts in states that didn’t recognize same-sex marriage.

Just a few years ago, Massachusetts was the only state that allowed for same-sex marriage, and the divorce case was an anomaly–the issue rarely arose.

Today the legal issues surrounding same-sex marriage and divorce are much more complex. The state of California first legalized same-sex marriage and then created a Constitutional prohibition, leaving couples married during the brief window of legality in a legal limbo.

Within the past few weeks, the number of states allowing for same-sex marriage doubled, from two to four, and others are considering similar measures. These legal marriages create a conundrum for divorce courts in other states, particularly in those states where sentiment runs strongly against same-sex marriage.

To file for divorce, the divorce court must first recognize that there is an existing marriage, and many judges and lawmakers are concerned about the legal precedent that would be set if a state court recognized same-sex partners as “married” for divorce purposes.

How states ultimately address this issue remains to be seen. Legislation could create a specific right of divorce for couples legally married in another state, though that marriage would not be recognized within the state.  Or a Constitutional challenge might resolve the issue nationally, if states were required to give full faith and credit to same-sex marriages performed in other states.

The one thing that is clear is that the conflict among state divorce laws, combined with the high degree of mobility among Americans, means confusion for divorce courts in the near future.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

By: Gerri L Elder

A Saudi judge has for the second time denied a divorce petition filed by the mother of an 8-year-old girl. The girl’s mother asked the court to grant the child a divorce from her 47-year-old husband. According to CNN, the same judge rejected the petition late last year.

The judge stood by his earlier ruling not to terminate the arranged marriage and said the child could petition the court for a divorce when she reaches puberty. The girl’s husband was required to sign a statement in court, pledging he won’t have sex with the child until she reaches puberty.

An appeals court has declined to certify the judge’s decision. Until the case is resolved, the child is still married. The divorce case will be heard in an appeals court next month.

The child’s father reportedly arranged the marriage to settle a debt. The girl’s mother is now separated from the father. The court previously ruled the mother is not the child’s legal guardian and could not represent her in court. Family members told CNN reporters the mother will not stop fighting for a divorce for her daughter.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

By: Gerri L Elder

A new study has found that mothers are the parent more likely to alienate a child from fathers; however, fathers who alienate children from mothers are more likely to be ordered to attend counseling.

Seventy-four court rulings finding parental alienation since 1987 were studied. In 50 of the cases, the mother of the child was responsible for the parental alienation. Toronto divorce lawyer Gene Coleman presented the findings to a group of 150 psychologists, divorce lawyers, mediators and activist parents, reported The Globe and Mail.

Parental alienation syndrome refers to when a parent mentally poisons a child against the other parent and brainwashes them to hate. Three Ontario court judges recently ordered children removed from an alienating parent and taken to the U.S. for deprogramming treatment.

Coleman told the group that fathers who alienate children are at least twice more likely to be ordered to undergo psychiatric counseling than mothers who program children to hate the fathers. Twelve out of 50 mothers who alienated children were ordered to attend therapy, while 13 out of 24 of the alienating fathers were forced to seek counseling.

Further showing gender bias, in 78% of cases where the father was the alienating parent, the court changed custody to the mother. Child custody was changed to fathers in only 62% of cases in which the mother was the alienating parent.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

By: Gerri L Elder

The Michigan State Appeals Court has overturned a ruling that recognized the Muslim divorce ritual of saying “I divorce thee” three times to legally end a marriage. The ritual, called the “triple talaq,” is a common way to terminate a marriage among Muslims in India.

Saida Tarikonda’s husband traveled to India a year ago and invoked the triple talaq while there. The appeals court found that Tarikonda was denied equal rights because she was not with him in India.

Tarikonda married Bade Pinjari in India in 2001. Tarikonda says, and the court agreed in its finding, that the couple lived together in Michigan for two years until they separated in January 2008. Pinjari’s lawyer says that he disputes the court’s finding of residency.

After Pinjari was granted a divorce certificate in India, Oakland County, Michigan Circuit Court Judge Cheryl Matthews instructed him to register it in Michigan and file requests for financial support.

Meanwhile, Tarikonda decided to file for divorce in Oakland County. Under the Indian divorce certificate, her rights to marital property would be limited. However, under Michigan divorce law, she would be entitled to a fair share. She asked the appeals court to intervene in the case.

The appeals court panel found that comity, or to recognize the divorce laws of another country in the U.S., was not possible in this case because of direct opposition to Michigan laws.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

By: Gerri L Elder

Is it considered cheating if you never have actual physical contact with someone you desire? Perhaps not in the past; however, lines have been blurred by the advance of technology and the answer is now yes. Your spouse can and most likely will divorce you if evidence of an emotional affair is uncovered.

Don’t go there

An emotional affair can be just as damaging to a marriage as a physical affair. There has always been such a thing as an emotional affair, but the Internet has made them more readily available in recent years. Chat rooms, dating sites, message boards and other places where people gather and get to know each other breed emotional infidelity.

What is an emotional affair?

While a physical affair can be readily defined by the first touch, it’s not that simple to isolate the moment an emotional affair begins.

Having romantic or sexual feelings and thoughts about someone other than your spouse can be a red flag in a relationship. Acting on these feelings, through private correspondence, secret cell phone calls or arranging to meet an Internet friend in person can constitute an emotional affair.

Many people who engage in emotional affairs don’t consider themselves to be cheating because of the lack of physical contact; however, when an intimate relationship is exposed, whether physical or not, it may make little difference in the eyes of a divorce lawyer. The effect on the marriage can be devastating and lead to your spouse filing divorce.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

“Gossip Girl” Custody Battle

Kelly Rutherford, star of “Gossip Girl,” and her estranged husband Daniel Giersch are engaged in a court battle over child custody of their two-year-old son. TMZ.com reports the battle started when Giersch didn’t want the child to travel with Rutherford to New York City to film “Gossip Girl.” The judge has temporarily allowed the child to travel with Rutherford, pending a permanent custody deal.

Jazz’s Boozer Files for Divorce

Carlos Boozer of the Utah Jazz is filing for divorce from his wife of six years, according to an Associated Press report. Boozer filed the divorce petition in Miami and described the marriage as “irretrievably broken.” Boozer is seeking ownership of the couple’s Miami home and rights to their second home in Salt Lake City. The couple has three children, including 19-month-old twins. Boozer has requested joint child custody and is reportedly willing to pay child support.

Pete Townsend and Karen Astley to Divorce

Pete Townsend and wife of 40 years, Karen Astley are divorcing. The couple separated and Astley filed divorce after Townsend reportedly had an affair with Rachel Fuller. Townsend now lives with Fuller. According to the Sun, the court will grant Astley’s request for a divorce. The former couple have three children.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

By: Gerri L Elder

Rep. Warren Chisum, R-Pampa, has introduced divorce legislation in Texas that would require married couples who have children to attend 10 hours of marriage counseling before getting a divorce.

If Chisum sounds familiar, it may be because of another marriage-related bill he wrote last year, which is now part of Texas divorce law. The “Together in Texas” law gives engaged couples a discount on their marriage license if they attend state-approved premarital counseling. So far, only 602 couples in the state have taken the bait.

While “Twogether in Texas” is optional, Chisum’s latest folly would have only narrow exclusions for victims of abuse. Unless domestic violence can be proven, the law would require any couple with children to seek counseling before filing for divorce. Even odder, the parent who files for divorce is required to attend the counseling, while the respondent is not.

However, there’s a twist. If the respondent chooses not to waste his or her time in counseling, the judge may hold it against them when considering the terms of the divorce settlement and child custody.

If passed, the law will force couples who have already decided to divorce into state marriage workshops. Chisum says that people may not like the law, but if it helps save even one marriage, he’ll consider it a job well done.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

By: Gerri L. Elder

When parents divorce, children are often unintended victims. Many children may be upset by their parent’s decision to split and suffer emotionally from the disruption in the home.

When a child’s emotional health is not managed and nurtured, school performance may decline; the child may act out in various ways, or suffer from low self-esteem. Experts report children of divorce are more likely to perform poorly at school and suffer academically. They often get in trouble with police or school authorities for aggressive behavior and may become depressed. Additionally, children with divorced parents may have social problems and difficulties relating to others.

Older children of divorced parents may become sexually active at an earlier age, participate in delinquent activities and experiment with drugs.

Divorce interrupts a child’s life and can shake their trust in adults. To prevent many of the problems children may experience during the divorce process, parents must recognize and address the stress the divorce is causing their children.

Some children may benefit from counseling with a professional who specializes in child psychology and the effects of divorce on children. However, parents can also do a lot to mitigate the damage by being respectful of their child’s need for stability.

Parents should avoid arguing in front of children and not involve them in any marital disputes. In many cases, divorcing parents can communicate through divorce lawyers and eliminate stress for them as well. Each parent should spend time with the child and provide reassurances that the parent-child relationship will not change, although the circumstances and schedule likely will.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

By: Gerri L Elder

Many people decide to divorce and take action before speaking with a divorce lawyer. The problem is, when action is taken before getting legal advice, crucial mistakes can be made.

If you are planning to separate, you should know the state divorce laws before packing up and moving out of your home. Unless you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse, you should not move out of your residence before talking to a divorce lawyer. Doing so could constitute abandonment or hurt your divorce case in other ways.

When children are involved, it’s especially important to speak with a divorce lawyer before separating or making any custody or child support deals with your ex-spouse. In many cases, spouses can work out the details regarding their child’s care and support; however, no agreements should be made without getting legal advice first.

Your divorce lawyer can review any agreements you’ve made to be sure that your rights and the best interest of the child are best served. Child custody and child support agreements must be extremely detailed and specific to protect the parents and the child. Omissions of important details can cause major problems later on.

Likewise, if you and your spouse own a great deal of property or have assets to be divided, no agreements should be made without first getting the advice of a divorce lawyer. In some cases, an investigation into assets should be done before any negotiations to be sure all the cash and assets that should be on the table are there.

Protect your rights, your children and your finances by getting legal advice before doing anything that could hurt your divorce case.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

By: Gerri L Elder

Recession Not Extraordinary

With the downturn of the economy, many people are seeking modifications of their divorce settlements. Former Principle Capital Holdings SA chief executive officer Brian Myerson was one of those people. Bloomberg reports Myerson lost a bid to have the terms of his divorce settlement changed after the value of his company’s stock plummeted. A three-judge appeals panel in London refused to review the 2008 divorce settlement, leaving the approximate $16 million lump-sum payment to his ex-wife intact. Under British divorce law, alimony is negotiable, but lump-sum payments are final, except in extraordinary circumstances.

Counting Him Out

New York Post’s Page Six reports “The Real Housewives of New York City” star Countess Luann de Lesseps has separated from husband Count de Lesseps. The decision to separate was reportedly made after the Count ignored his wife’s calls and later e-mailed her to let her know he was serious about an Ethiopian woman he was with in Geneva. The Count and Countess have been married for 16 years.

Phoenix Mayor and Wife to Make it Official

Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon and wife Christa Severns have filed for divorce after 15 years of marriage and one year separation. AZ Central reports the former couple will have joint child custody of their 9-year-old son. Gordon, 57, has three adult children from his previous marriage to Debbie Gordon. The split is said to be very amicable. According to a Gordon spokesperson, the pair remains on good terms but has simply grown apart.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.