Life after divorce can be a complicated—and often surprising—process. For one writer, celebrating the end of her first marriage led to an unexpected result: a new one.

In a recent article for CNN, Sascha Rothchild described her peculiar predicament. Rothchild had completed a new memoir called “How to Get Divorced by 30,” about her split from the man that she married at the age of 27 and divorced by the time she was 30.

Rothchild was on vacation having just completed her book tour endorsing the memoir when her current boyfriend dropped to one knee on scenic Mammoth Mountain and proposed to her. She was literally floored, dropping the glass of champagne that she was holding and nearly fainting at the sight of a diamond ring and a real-life proposal.

You see, this was the first marriage proposal that Rothchild had ever had. In her first marriage, she and her so-called “lovable, lackadaisical stoner husband”
had dated for three years before she determined that it was time to get married. He didn’t propose to her, but rather it was a mutual decision that they made to “do this.”

She called her desire to marry her first husband a part of her “arbitrary timetable.” She bought her own engagement ring, and even claimed that she bought something “untraditional,” so that she could wear it on another finger in case they got divorced. “I was planning my divorce while I was planning my wedding,” Rothchild wrote.

It was this self-defeating and off-kilter process that she described in her new memoir.

Rothchild goes on to say that she had done her best to pretend that the wedding that she was planning wasn’t a real wedding. It took place three months after the agreement to wed, and they hired a stand-up comedian to perform the ceremony. According to Rothchild, the comedian “never uttered the words love, forever or til death do us part.”

After realizing how unhappy she was in that marriage, Rothchild decided to get a divorce, saying that she was “too young to be stuck in nuptial mediocrity.”

Rothchild’s second go-round in the wedding game taught her what she had been missing out on the first time around. She slowly realized that her new fiancé had rented out an entire lakefront area, and that he had spent months having the engagement ring designed and custom-made with the help of her sister.

As she had traveled the country defending her book about a failed first marriage, her boyfriend was planning his proposal to get them started on her second.

In other words, she realized that he had put all of the effort into this proposal that her first marriage arrangement had lacked. This was a new experience.

Rothchild realized that while she had been with her boyfriend, Matt, she had not been focused on marriage itself, but on love, and on enjoying the relationship itself. Overcoming the urge to have a small second wedding, Matt helped her to agree on a big wedding, and now Rothchild finds herself planning the wedding with her fiancé, rather than in spite of him.

“I’m getting wrapped up in trumpet versus mermaid versus princess-cut wedding dresses,” she writes, “and in color schemes and bouquet shapes and invitation fonts. I’m enjoying the small moments of making decisions with Matt about venues and open bars and save the date cards.”

The planning is apparently solidifying their bond, as they practice compromise and choose with care, rather than going through the motions.

Even as Rothchild tells interviewers about the transformative nature of a divorce, she is exercising the fruit of that transformation en route to her second marriage and her life after divorce.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Divorce is never simple. Emotional complications and financial realities often impact the way that people proceed with the complicated task of exiting a long term relationship.

While celebrity divorces can often seem to come out of nowhere, the latest news from the rich and famous reflects couples in transition, either considering divorce or reversing their decision to divorce.

The celebrity couples that fall into the first category—those in whom at least one party is considering divorce—are familiar names by now. Their stories have appeared in the headlines of the gossip section for weeks and months. Who knows what goes on behind the closed doors between these couples, but speculation often runs rampant about how they will proceed.

Will the unfaithful athlete’s wife leave him despite his tearful apologies?

According to Fox News, sources close to the long-running scandal featuring the world’s greatest golfer and his former-model wife say that the celebrity couple are discussing divorce on a daily basis. “Elin and Tiger have been talking daily now,” the source told Fox News. “But it is mostly divorce talk.”

Elin has reportedly been meeting with her divorce lawyer, and it is generally expected that she will make the move to file for divorce from her husband. After news of her husband’s extensive infidelities shocked the sports and celebrity worlds, 30-year-old Elin bought a piece of property of her own in her native Sweden, where construction on a new home continues.

The couple has two children together, and there are millions of dollars at stake in a potential divorce.

Will the Oscar-winning actress divorce her cheating husband?

Sandra Bullock fled the spotlight when news spread of her husband, celebrity motorcycle mechanic Jesse James, and his flings with heavily tattooed women. Recently, she has been seen hiking in Northern California without a wedding ring on her finger, according to the New York Daily News. Before the scandal broke, she wore a large diamond on her ring finger.

She had already moved out of the home she shared with James. James, for his part, checked into a treatment center to deal with personal issues. He is still hoping to save the marriage, according to his representatives.

Entertainment Weekly acquired the photos of Bullock, as the public waits to see how she will respond to her husband’s confession. Bullock recently won an Academy Award for her acting turn in “The Blind Side.” News of her marital troubles hit the wire soon after her triumphant evening in Hollywood.

Will the grizzled veteran newsman stay with his wife or proceed with a divorce?

Amid rumors of unfaithfulness from both sides of the marriage, CNN legend Larry King and his wife Shawn filed for divorce recently. The split would be his seventh.

But according to Kings divorce lawyer Dennis Wasser, King and his wife may be giving themselves a little time before the decision is final. “There’s a 50-50 chance this divorce is not happening,” he told People.

The couple attended counseling soon after they each filed for divorce. “It was decided that there will be no divorce proceedings for two weeks as several issues need to be discussed and resolved,” said Wasser.

The celebrity couple was seen together at their son’s baseball game recently. They have been married for twelve and a half years.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

When it comes to divorces that don’t involve celebrities, there are usually two kinds of stories that make it into the news: those that chronicle odd behaviors and incidents that led to divorce, and the strange and often unpleasant ways that people deal with a divorce that has already occurred.

In two recent stories of divorce, the first chronicles a strange alleged threat from a wife to a husband that could have ended far worse than it did, and which played a part in the divorce proceedings. The second story involves how a man in England hoped to cope with a divorce, and ended up with a problem donkey.

In a Long Island divorce court, a judge recently ruled that a wife’s alleged violent threat towards her husband was not a grounds for divorce. Shlomo Kupperman had accused his wife Irene of threatening him with a dangerous weapon, according to the New York Daily News. That weapon? A samurai sword.

Shlomo told the judge that after his wife had several affairs he confronted her one evening, asking her where she had been. According to his story, she became enraged and grabbed a 3-foot samurai sword from his collection, charging at him and coming very close to his face. In his testimony, he claimed that he slowly backed away from his wife and retreated to the bedroom and locked himself in for the rest of the night.

Nobody called the police or went to the hospital that night, however, which cast some doubt in the eyes of the judge, who decided that the alleged incident was not, on its own, a grounds for divorce.

Irene Kupperman, for her part, claims that she never attacked anyone. “It’s beyond ridiculous,” her lawyer said.

The judge granted the divorce on other grounds, however, citing the couple’s functional separation.

In Tiffield, England, a man was ordered to pay 6,000 pounds in fines after he let a donkey that he owned attack pigs that he also owned, and even kill another donkey in a neighboring field.

Andrew Harding was convicted of eight counts of causing unnecessary suffering to an animal. He must pay the fine and serve 200 hours of community service. His donkey, Paco, was seen grabbing and shaking the pigs by the neck, and a neighbor captured images of that and other offenses against his own donkey, according to the Telegraph.

The reason that Harding kept the property and the troublesome livestock was to cope with a 2007 divorce from his wife, and to provide a place for his children to visit and play when they were with him on his weekend visitations.

“It was a family farm,” he said in his own defense during the trial. “A place to get the kids away from their Xbox. It was fine until we got the donkey.”

Officers had found other unsavory conditions on the farm in the past, including livestock that didn’t have enough water or shelter.

Harding said that the farm was a nice place for his children before he got the donkey for them to ride. “I wish I never had the thing,” he said. “It was a pain in the ass.”

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Interfaith marriages have increased over the years causing religion to play a key role in child custody cases across the nation.

Parents find themselves fighting not only for the right to spend time with their kids, but to share with them their individual religious beliefs.

A divorced Chicago couple recently faced a bitter battle over the religious upbringing of their daughter, with a judge ruling to allow the child to both Christian and Jewish services, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.

Rebecca and Joseph Reyes both wanted custody of their three-year-old daughter and both hoped to raise their child with their traditions.

Joseph Reyes converted to Judaism during the couple’s marriage, but he later said he felt pressured to convert. Since the two divorced, he decided to go back to his Catholic roots.

During their divorce proceedings, the judge awarded Rebecca Reyes custody of their daughter. She then requested that the judge rule her daughter only follow the Jewish tradition.

She requested a court order prohibiting her ex from taking the young girl to Catholic masses during his visitations. The court ruled in her favor and banned her ex-husband from having their daughter go to Catholic ceremonies.

But during a visitation with his daughter, Joseph Reyes decided to take her to a Catholic mass and have her baptized. He then sent pictures of the baptism to his ex-wife.

This upset Rebecca Reyes because she said that they agreed to raise their daughter in the Jewish faith.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that Joseph Reyes fought the court ruling prohibiting him from exposing his daughter to Catholicism. And the ban was lifted.

The court ruled that Joseph Reyes will now get visitation rights with his daughter on Christmas and Easter.

But they were not the only couple to battle over their religious beliefs and their children.

Elina Margolina and Nelson Derbigny have been divorced for three years. Now they are back in the courts to determine their child’s religious followings.

Margolina won a temporary court order stating that her husband must raise their son in the Jewish tradition. She requested that he keep kosher food in his home and require his son to wear traditional Jewish garments to his public school.

As interfaith marriages increase, the issue of religion in custody battles might become more commonplace.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Divorce parties have become more and more popular in the past decade. The idea behind these parties is that recent divorcees invite their family and friends to celebrate their dissolved marriage and newly found freedom.

But unfortunately for one British woman, her divorce party ended with a fatal twist.

BBC news reported that Katrina Jones was stabbed repeatedly by her ex-husband after he saw her prepare her home for a divorce party.

Brian and Katrina Jones were married for 10 years before their marriage began to deteriorate. Katrina allegedly had an affair with an old friend. After that, she called it quits and filed for divorce.

Shortly after the divorce was filed, Brian Jones moved out of their home. He rented an apartment a couple streets over. But he later decided to stay with his neighbor that lived next door his ex-wife’s house.

Their divorce was final in September. Brian Jones, aware of Katrina’s plans to throw the bash, asked his ex-wife not to throw the party.

But several weeks later Katrina continued on with her original plans.

Brian Jones saw as his ex-wife post “Congratulations” signs outside the house. He said he lost it when he saw a game called “pin the tail on the X” with his picture on it.

Local British papers reported that Jones drank a large amount of beer and whiskey before walking over to his ex-wife’s home. He allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed his ex 12 times in her chest and arm.

After the incident, Jones called the police explaining that he stabbed his wife and that he loved her “to bits.”

He pleaded not guilty to the courts because he claimed the divorce party provoked his actions. In his police statement he explained that he just “snapped” and temporarily lost of control.

Prosecuting attorney Franz Muller said that Katrina confided in her new boyfriend that her ex-husband threatened her before she died. She claimed her ex-husband said, “If he could not have her, then no other man would.”

The trial was expected to last a couple of weeks but no verdict has been decided at this point.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Debra Shanley was nurturing a lifelong dream when she purchased a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and joined a local motorcycle club. The New Jersey high school teacher was learning to ride and making friends in the Harley Owners Group (H.O.G.).

After a Saturday bike ride and dinner out with the group, she planned to go on another ride with them on Sunday. When Shanley did not show up for the Sunday ride, fellow members became concerned. There were apparently signs that they should have been. In the weeks previous, Debra’s husband of 35 years, Peter, had become enraged at her and taken a power saw to her Fat Boy motorcycle, destroying the bike.

The Sunday that she missed the ride, Debra’s friends in the motorcycle group called the police, reporting her as missing after she didn’t show up at the event and didn’t reply to numerous text messages and phone calls. Police cruisers were dispatched to the Shanley home, where they found Debra beaten to death and strangled in her bedroom, according to NorthJersey.com.

Husband Peter, who was found in the next room with a broken ankle and a cut neck, has been named by prosecutors as the primary suspect in the murder of his wife. The former public works employee was formally charged with murder on Monday, with bail set at a million and a half dollars.

In hindsight, Peter’s aggressive and angry treatment of Debra’s motorcycle should have been and was a red alert in her friends’ eyes. “I thought it was a tremendous amount of rage,” said biking friend John Bibas, who was in the motorcycle club with Debra. “I told her she should have the guy arrested and she should get a restraining order. I told her that numerous, numerous times. She apparently did not want to do that.”

Debra had taken her destroyed bike in to get worked on at a local motorcycle shop. While there, she had talked about how much she had wanted to take up riding, and that this was the fulfillment of a dream.

Also, according to friends, Debra had wanted a divorce from Peter. Debra’s mother also said that her daughter had told her in conversation that she wanted a divorce from him. According to those same sources, Peter was planning to move out of the home that the couple shared. Debra, apparently, had found an apartment for him to live in.

Debra Shanley had a reputation as a person passionately committed to education and to children. In addition to being a high school teacher, she served five terms on the Board of Education before she resigned in 2008, and she was running for another term this year. Over the years, she had gone from a concerned mom on the PTA to a crusader for technology and full-day kindergarten in the schools.

“She was just one who really wanted to make sure that every child had the opportunity for a strong education,” said former Dumont schools superintendent Jim Montesano. “She was just the consummate volunteer.”

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Credit companies are using information gained from transactions to predict large life events that might impact consumer activity. One of those life events is divorce, and credit companies want to guess when that might happen, according to an article in The Daily Beast.

Credit card companies have access to a lot of data about the people who use their cards. All manner of transactions go through the credit card companies’ systems, and they do what they can to use it to their advantage.

Credit companies want to sell more services and products, and they want to know what the likelihood is that consumers will pay off their outstanding debt. They are willing to use the data to achieve that goal.

When it comes to divorce, if a credit company can predict when a consumer might be nearing a divorce, they can better evaluate whether someone will be paying off their credit card bill. People going through a divorce are more likely to leave a balance on a credit card or miss payments. When domestic trouble translates into an impact on the credit company and its financial interests, then they want to be able to predict it.

For companies that specialize in and depend on risk management, divorce is a potentially serious risk.

In his book “Super Crunchers,” author and professor at Yale Law School Ian Ayres discusses the strategy used by the credit companies. He told The Daily Beast that “credit card companies don’t really care about divorce in and of itself—they care whether you’re going to pay your card off.”

The methods that credit companies use to track this information is confidential, and guarded tightly. Visa told The Daily Beast that it “does not track or monitor cardholder marital status, not does it offer any service or product that predicts a potential divorce.”

Increasingly, though, easily accessible data is enabling companies to predict the lifestyle choices and behaviors of consumers. Predictive modeling can use one set of data to answer a seemingly unrelated question. Purchasing information, for example, could provide information about whether a consumer has recently relocated. This data could then be used to offer products aimed at consumers who have just moved.

Credit card marketing partnerships can be well-served by knowing such biographical details about potential customers. If a customer has just moved, for example, a credit company could inform a marketing partners that might be a home refurbishing business.

“There’s a whole market out there that has tried to predict whether someone has just moved, and to be first with offers,” according to Bob Grossman, the director of the Laboratory for Advanced Computing at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

The Daily Beast makes sure to note that crunching numbers for strategic purposes is a trend taking hold in business at large, and that the credit companies are early adopters. Tools to analyze data are more sophisticated, and therefore more insight and analysis can be drawn from the data.

Whether or not the credit companies know about an impending divorce, one can be sure that they are working hard to make the information at their fingertips profitable.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

“Dawson’s Creek” star James Van Der Beek and his wife Heather McComb ended their marriage this past November, and recently finalized their settlement in Los Angeles court.

They were married in July 2003 and they have no children together. Their relationship started to have issues so they separated in April 2009.

Van Der Beek then filed for divorce from McComb citing irreconcilable differences. Since their split, their attorneys have been in mediation to resolve the terms of their divorce.

The divorce papers state that Van Der Beek’s monthly income is $35,000. A large amount compared to McComb’s $1,700 per month salary. So she has requested that he pay her alimony.

The Associated Press reported that the couple recently came to a settlement in which Van Der Beek will pay spousal support to his ex in the amount of $7,750 until 2012.

But Van Der Beek gets to keep a few things for himself. He will keep their North Hollywood home and have all their bank accounts in his name.

He gets all residuals from his television shows and movies as well as the rights to his screen plays and other projects he created.

Their divorce will be official June 3rd.

Sandra Bullock has finally called it quits with her marriage to Jesse James as reported by the New York Daily News.

Both Bullock and soon to be ex had been in the headlines the past couple of months. James has been accused of alleged infidelity and is now in a custody dispute over his 11-year-old daughter.

Rumors have buzzed whether or not Bullock would actually file for divorce after all the gossip. It was alleged that James had affairs with several women while married to Bullock.

Before they tied the knot, the two signed a prenuptial agreement. It stated that if James cheated on Bullock, he would receive nothing after the two divorced.

Bullock is allegedly devastated over the divorce and is not concerned about the money at this point in the game.

There is no set date for the legal separation.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

In the headlines, we all see how interesting it can be to watch celebrities like Paul McCartney and Sandra Bullock work through their marital problems.

One way that Hollywood has captured this drama and turned it into entertainment is with court shows. And of all of television’s courtroom shows, “Divorce Court” is the longest-running of them all, capitalizing on the fireworks between couples who are splitting up.

All of the drama that comes when two people make the hard decision to part ways has made for compelling TV.

Since 2006, the host of “Divorce Court” has been Judge Lynn Toler, who is very realistic about the role that her show plays in the lives of its participants. She is a real judge, but it is not a real court, as only a state can legally grant a divorce. The show’s participants, though, do come on to argue about how their property and their money should be divided. And they also get the chance to get a few things off of their chests.

“We talk to people who are upset,” Judge Toler told ABC News. “What the divorce system does these days, it doesn’t allow anybody the emotional period on the marriage sentence. Here [on the show] we give people the opportunity to be heard. Then I decide who gets Fluffy the dog.”

Property, according to the ABC article, is often at the center of divorce disputes.

ABC News also spoke with Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology and human behavior at Rutgers University, who talked about the importance of property in a divorce.

“I think that property is very important in this day and age,” Fisher said. “It defines you; you worked hard to get it. When you divorce, a lot of people have a lot of battles over their property for good reasons.”

“Divorce Court” has also been known to put on display the racier side of divorce and the spectacle of reality television, all of which is brought together with Judge Toler’s unique brand of insight.

In her opinion, the Internet has changed divorce. In the past, she says, infidelity was not as facilitated as it is now. “From what I see in here it’s a mess,” she said. “Before when you wanted to cheat, you had to go out and meet the person, and now on the Internet you have millions of people at your disposal that could walk into your life. They meet online and she gets on a plane to go see him, and they get married. And she’s wondering why it didn’t work out.”

“Divorce Court” depends on the drama of reality TV, the witty zingers of Judge Toler, and a high level of production efficiency as reasons for its success. The show in its latest iteration has been on the air since 1999, with more than 2,000 episodes.

A number of famous divorcees have graced the studio, from disgraced evangelist Ted Haggard and his wife, to Gary Coleman and his wife.

On why people like to watch the show, executive producer Mark Koberg said that it’s essentially voyeuristic. “I think people really like to see how these people are acting crazy and silly and the funny things they do.”

Toler’s view was somewhat more sensible: “I provide them with some emotional resolution,” she said. As for advice?: “Stay one step ahead of your emotions,” she says, urging couples to think clearly rather than acting impulsively. “If you act on how you feel, you are doing a lot of things that are counterproductive to the marriage.”

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Lawmakers in Arizona have voted down legislation that would have let one member of a divorcing couple prolong the divorce process for up to 6 months.

With a 33-23 vote, the Arizona House voted down legislation that would have allowed one of the parties in a divorce case to demand that the divorce procedure go on for four months longer than is now required, according to the East Valley Tribune.

Currently, Arizona is a no fault state, where couples need only report that a marriage is “irretrievably broken” in order to legally end it. Under existing Arizona divorce laws, a judge needs to wait only 60 days after a petition gets filed to grant a formal divorce decree.

One supporter of the failed legislation argued that the state should take an interest in keeping couples together. Representative Nancy Barto, a Republican out of Phoenix, tried to sway her colleagues towards just such a perspective.
“Financially, homes that break up cost the state,” she argued. “It should be the policy of our state to encourage families to stay together.”

Opponents of the bill say that the longer waiting periods could mean more uncertainty for children and higher stress for couples already having trouble.

Barto’s initial proposal included extending the 60 day requirement to formally finalize a divorce after 180 days in all cases. When that was met with opposition, Barto drafted a scaled-back version of the bill. Instead requiring 180 days, either party in a divorce could request the stay of finalization from the court.

“The judge has to issue the order,” said Representative Andy Biggs, a Republican out of Gilbert. Biggs, who is also an attorney, told the East Valley Tribune that he was glad about the change in the bill that let the court decide whether to allow the delay.

Still, he thought that the bill wasn’t where it should be. “In order to get around it, the non-moving party has now got the burden of proof and must show ‘good cause’ why that should not go forward. I think that’s not appropriate.” Biggs believes that the burden of proof should be on the person who wants to delay the divorce to prove why the couple should remain together for an additional four months.

This may not be the last time that the Arizona House has to deal with the issue, however. While it has been put down for now, there is preliminary approval by the Senate for a measure that is exactly the same as the one that has just been rejected. Senator Linda Gray has sponsored this bill.

Barto might also be able to use parliamentary procedure to bring her own bill back. This keeps alive the possibility of another vote on the issue by the Arizona House.

Copyright © 2010 TotalDivorce, LLC. (as licensee). All rights reserved.