The economic downturn is placing major stresses on marriages today, and there is another side effect showing itself: when couples divorce but don’t have the economic resources to move out from their family home.

Couples are left to weather the emotional difficulty of living with a spouse that they’ve separated from, because a lack of resources and a tough housing market make it impossible to maintain two separate households.

It’s divorce without the separation.

ABC Primetime followed one of these couples, Chris and Shari, of Tempe, Arizona, who are in just that situation. They live in a million-dollar house in a nice neighborhood, but the dropping value of the house with the onset of the recession has severely limited their options. As the housing market plummeted, so did their 18-year marriage.

They gathered a family meeting with their three kids, where they broke the news about their separation.

“They kind of took turns telling us stuff,” said oldest daughter Carissa. “They always assured us, ‘we’re never going to do anything like this, that will never be us that gets divorced. We’re going to be the few that never do.”

Middle daughter Jessica said, “When I found out that this was going to happen, I think I was heartbroken.”

As a part of the arrangements in the wake of the divorce, Chris and Shari decided that they would both stay in the house until they could sell it. It was a temporary solution, with a defined endpoint—the sale of the house.

Shari was uncertain about how to place limitations on the arrangement, however. “I believe,” she said, “and have read and heard from the experts that it is much better for the children to live together for a while. I have never found in print how long that while is.”

Their plan was to divide the assets from the sale of the house. Then, the housing market in Phoenix collapsed, and their plan became less certain.

They weren’t idealists about the situation. “It’s not a better way to do it,” said Chris, an IT manager. “I think for a while, maybe, it’s a good thing. I think it was good for the kids for a while.”

ABC Primetime followed them for nine months, as they navigated the transitional period of their divorce without the separation. This included family therapy sessions, couple’s therapy, and meetings with lawyers.

Disagreements were common. They argued frequently while living under the same roof. The negative parts of their relationship continued, even if they weren’t technically together. They argued in front of their children. The plan that they had made was not coming together.

They grew distant, even in navigating daily life living in the same house. They passed in the hallways without making eye contact. “It’s a lot harder than I expected,” said Shari.
Shari now sleeps in a small guest room, while her husband works in his study just through a shared wall. “Too close for comfort,” she said.

Nobody would argue that their plan went well. In fact, it’s the opposite. But a recession forces people, including divorcing couples, to improvise in ways that they couldn’t imagine.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 26th, 2010 at 9:37 am and is filed under Divorce News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.