Divorce, in the public perception, is rarely a friendly undertaking. Even on this blog we often follow stories of contentious celebrity divorces and separations that don’t end well, with the theme usually being that couples are rarely on their best behavior when it comes time for a divorce.

An article from USA Today, however, makes the claim that divorce is getting friendlier for a lot of couples.

The article offers a couple of quick examples of what it sees as a potentially growing trend of divorces that are less contentious than perhaps they have been in the past. One dad, John Jarvis, of Phoenix, stays in his ex-wife’s guest room when he visits their 13-year-old daughter. Another divorcé, Bob Murphy of Chandler, Arizona, offered his ex-wife a key to his house.

One possible explanation for this trend in nicer divorces could be that those who watched a generation of nasty divorces wanted to change the pattern and avoid falling into the same traps. These people either saw their own parents divorce, or saw the negative impact that it had on their friends.

Hence a new approach to divorce, with less fighting and more conflict resolution. This new model can place increasing emphasis on mediation, collaboration or even, USA Today, reports, do-it-yourself kits for divorce.

Friendlier divorces are even taking hold when there are children involved in the divorce. A more amicable divorce can be a lot easier on children who are caught in the middle.

Not to mention the fact that a friendly divorce can save couples a lot of money and emotional stress. The typical mediated divorce costs around $1,000, according to family lawyer John Zarzynski, who co-founded Agreement House. The typical traditional divorce, with lawyers and court appearances, financial negotiations and custody battles, can cost $15-25,000 and take years.

The traditional divorce is still the most prevalent form. Some say that the process inherently causes divorcing couples to feel that they must go into battle with their ex. Disagreements about custody, child support, property and finances can create a sense of opposition to an ex, rather than fostering cooperation for the sake of themselves or their children.

“It makes it almost impossible to have a civil relationship going forward,” said Zarzynski. “You don’t forget what it’s like to be cross-examined by your spouse’s lawyer. It sets them up for years and years of not being able to communicate well.”

Mediation is one option when it comes to the friendly divorce, and collaboration is another. With these options, the court is not directly involved. While there might be lawyers involved, so are subject experts, and all work together to come up with a solution that meets everybody’s needs. Supporters of these techniques argue that the newly shaped families start off on a more stable foot.

There aren’t solid numbers on how many mediation and collaboration divorces are out there, but anecdotally, Zarzynksi has seen the number of mediation and collaboration divorces he’s worked on per year rise from roughly a dozen to 75 in recent years.

Bob Murphy, having seen his brothers go through nasty divorces, wanted no part of that. Instead of a divorce that took years, his took hours.

And while John Jarvis said his arrangement to stay at his ex-wife’s house might sound a little odd, he gets to spend more time with his daughter, and the couple hasn’t had to cut ties with each other’s family and friends.

Divorce doesn’t often lead to friendships, but the trend in mediated and collaborated divorces could mean that break-ups have a slightly brighter future.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 30th, 2010 at 9:55 am and is filed under Divorce News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.