Unhappily Married Ever After
There is a new trend among married couples, separated but not divorced.
A recent article in the New York Times describes how failing marriages are staying separated, sometimes by choice, others by their own stubbornness.
Family law differs from state to state, but for the most part, regardless of how long the couple stays separated, as long as they are married on paper then they are legally married. And these separated couples are bound by tax filing status, pensions, Social Security and health care.
Most of the time couples choose to stay married, despite the desire to be separated from each other, is due to money.
Sharon O’Neill, a marriage therapist from New York, claims to have seen four cases in the last two years where a married-but-separated couple continued to live in the same house.
“The financial collapse has made people say, ‘Let’s not rush into a divorce, let’s see if we can make something else work,’” states O’Neill.
With the housing market in the tanks, couples may decide that selling the house wouldn’t be financially wise—especially if they purchased the house at the peak of the housing bubble.
Many people, perhaps even most, are staying together for the money, but a still large portion of unhappily married couples remains so for the children.
It is, however, debatable if trying to make an unhappy marriage stay together is really ever in the best interest of the children.
One of the risks of a long term separation, fittingly, is also financial.
Trying to stay married for the financial benefits may, ironically enough, wind up being to your financial detriment. If your estranged spouse decides to rack up large credit card bills, some of your assets might be responsible for the debt. Or, if you win the lottery, you winnings will likely become community property, with your ex being entitled to a portion.
There is also the risk of losing complete contact with your estranged spouse. If you find the love of your life, and want nothing more to remarry, you’d better be able to locate your ex to receive a divorce.
It’s difficult to imagine a more frustrating fate than being perpetually stuck married to someone you shouldn’t have ever been married too.
If you do decide that you don’t want to be married, then you should carefully weigh the options before you.
There are benefits to staying married, in some instances, and benefits to getting a divorce. Worrying about what makes you happy is important to determine what route you should go down.
If you think your best move is to remain married, then make sure you and your spouse are on the same page.
If you remain married, even if you separate from him or her, you will still have contact, and your life will not be fully separated from him or her.
