According to a recent article in the New York Times they are.

Dr. Marc Chamberlain, a Seattle oncologist, noticed a trend among his patients – that men dealing with brain cancer received a lot of support from their wives, while women with the same disease were more frequently going it alone, having faced a divorce or separation following their diagnosis.

Chamberlain, along with Dr. Michael J. Glantz of the University of Utah’s Huntsman Cancer Institute, began a study of 515 patients who were diagnosed with either brain tumors or multiple sclerosis between 2001 and 2006.

According to the New York Times, women in the study were more likely to face separation or divorce than men who were diagnosed with the same conditions.

According to a report published in the journal Cancer, only about 12 percent of the patients ended up dealing with separation or divorce – which is comparable to the divorce rate of the overall population.

The noticable difference in divorce is shown when the study is broken down by sex. Three percent of men reported divorce or separation after diagnosis, while 21 percent of women with the same diagnosis reported separation or divorce.

According to the report in Cancer, it is not known whether the separations reported were caused primarily by the diagnosis of illness, or if the couples who reported divorce were previously having marital problems.

In couples that are happy pre-diagnosis, it appears that men are more likely to leave their sick wives than women are to leave their sick husbands.

Visit the New York Times for more information.

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Young adults today need a reality check – at least according to retired Georgia Supreme Court Justice Leah Ward Sears, who has herself been a divorcee and a single mother.

In a CNN article, Sears calls out the faults of the modern institution of marriage, saying that with the inception of no-fault divorce 40 years ago in California, marriage ideals began to unravel.

Ward said that in her years on the bench, she saw countless couples who were dealing with issues that she believe stemmed from an growing irreverence for marriage in the U.S.

In her experience, people who choose to be single parents or who have suffered a bad divorce have a harder time relating to their children.

Her main point is this: “Many Americans are failing their children because they have already failed themselves,” meaning that many of the parents she saw in her courtroom were unprepared for parenthood.

Ward suggests six things that could help revitalize the American institution of marriage:

1. Stop glorifying single parenthood – it’s all over the media with single or unmarried celebrity parents, but that doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. It’s not easy – despite appearances.
2. To all single mothers by choice - consider the emotional deprivation of your child who will grow up without a father.
3. Teach Generation Y about parenting – Having a baby doesn’t mean it’s someone to love you unconditionally. Think about how you treated your parents growing up. Not always the most pleasant thing, right?
4. Give more props to men – Husbands and fathers that do their jobs well are not commended enough. Raising children with two people is wonderful, make sure the men know how needed they are.
5. Fewer broken homes now could mean more productive people later – There are kids who come out of single-parent homes and are incredibly successful, but the statistics speak otherwise. Most don’t have the same educational success and social skills as kids who grow up living with married parents.
6. Revisit no-fault divorce laws in state legislatures – Some of these laws allow one party to opt out of a marriage too easily. Working through problems can often make a relationship stronger. Don’t give couples such an easy option of just giving up.

See Judge Sears’ article: Stay married if you want kids

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

An American father – Christopher Savoie -was recently released from a Japanese prison after he alleged attempted to take his children from his ex-wife.

Savoie and his ex-wife Noriko Savoie were married 14 years when they decided to file for divorce in January 2009 due to adulterous circumstances. He remarried the next month.

The couple lived in Japan, but moved to the United States before their divorce. Both parents are citizens of the United States and Japan. His ex-wife was initially awarded child custody providing she resided in the U.S. with the children. He had visitation rights.

About a month after the divorce, Christopher had received an e-mail from Noriko stating, “It’s very difficult to watch [the] kids becoming American and losing Japanese identity. I am at the edge of the cliff. I cannot hold it anymore if you keep bothering me.”

Christopher suspected she’d take the children and pleaded with Judge James G. Martin III to give him custody in fear he would not see his children again. The judge advised Noriko if she moved the children to Japan she would lose her alimony and education funds awarded to her in the divorce.

The judge did however allow her to travel with the children to Japan because he did not believe she was a flight risk. After the trip – she returned back home with the children.

Christopher later learned that Noriko took the children to Japan when they were supposed to start school. He then filed a suit against his ex for full child custody and won, but this did not mean it would be enforced in Japan, where the mother usually retains full custody of the children.

He then made the trip to Japan to get his children back. He took his two children – 8-year-old Isaac and 6-year-old Rebecca on Sept 28 as his ex-wife walked them to school in the rural town of Yanagawa.

He traveled with his kids to the nearest U.S. consulate in Fukuoka in attempt to obtain passports for the children. He was allegedly screaming at the guards to let him in when the Japanese police arrived and arrested him.

Now there are a few issues standing in Christopher’s way of getting back his children. Japan did not agree to a 1980’s Hague Convention law which handles international child abduction.

Also Japanese law focuses on sole custody divorces so one parent has custody of the children, which is usually the mother.

According to the US State Department, in many cases, “foreign parents have little luck in regaining custody.”

Also in Japan the couple is still considered married since they never actually got divorced in the country according to police officials.

Authorities have put the charges of child kidnapping on hold for the time being.

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Women are from Venus and men are from Mars is a popular book entailing the differences between men and woman. It’s not a secret that men and woman differ not only physically but emotionally too. This continues to be a hot topic as dynamics of gender roles and relationships are changing into the future.

In relationships men and woman view the same situations very differently from emotions running wild to always coming up with a logical solution. We don’t always see things eye to eye and in relationships this could cause some conflict.

How men and woman communicate is determined by how we view our relationships with each other.

Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Utah, is studying how couples argue. She studies the changes that in occur in their bodies as they fight. Diamond is attempting to determine the relationships between the body and the nervous system with communication and conflict.

Even the smallest gesture might aggravate or alleviate the situation with the relationship. She’s attempting to separate and/or connect emotion with certain bodily reactions such as heart rate and anger. She claims the tough part of the study is getting the couples to stop fighting after they start and she’s collected enough data.

In relationships, most couples know how to manipulate one another by pushing the right buttons stirring certain emotions.  That is the simple part.  It’s how to communicate and work through conflict that‘s the tough part.

According to Diamond, men benefit more from marriage then women since women tend to fill the role of maintaining the relationship.  Because women accept this role they feel worn down and tired. She claims this may be why men live healthier and longer lives.

Communication is important to relationships and certain body language may be able to provoke or inhibit conflict.  This could all be related to long lasting marriages or ones that end in divorce.

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

According to a recent Census study, there is a new leader in the US for divorced states. In a close 1 point win over last year’s winner, Indiana- more specifically Wayne County, Ind.- has become the new “divorce capital of America.”

In a close second, Monroe County, Fla. has the second-highest proportion of divorced residents.

In a follow up article to the Census study, the Gainesville Sun reported that, “A little more than 18% of Monroe residents are divorced, second only to Indiana’s Wayne County, which had 19%.”

It seems as though both Indiana and Florida are the best, or in this case the worst, states at having divorced residents.

Florida and Indiana have three counties each in the Census study’s top 10 counties of the US: Monroe County, Putnam County and Pinellas County in Florida and Wayne, Floyd and Madison counties in Indiana.

What contributes to a couple’s marital demise? Why are people filing for divorce?

While there are numerous reasons why people may file, three of the most popular appear to be financial, religious, and cultural reasons.

But why then, would two states who don’t seem to share many similarities have the top spots of a Census study on divorce?

The answer to this question may not become clear, but from a superficial level it would seem that financial hardship is something both state’s residents share.

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Now Jon and Kate’s little dogs are being brought into discussion in their very public divorce. The battle continues between the famous couple, and this time the family dogs may be getting the boot.

It appears that Kate does not want to take care of dogs after the divorce is final, even for the sake of the children.

The two German Shepherds, Shoka and Nala, will go back to their breeder Jeff Christopher who said he will care for the dogs and not give them up for adoption.

Christopher lives on a farm so the dogs will have plenty of space and will be well taken care of. He maintains that the farm will be great for the dogs because the pups have brothers and sisters on the farm that they can run around with.

The dogs might be better off on the farm then being pushed back and forth like their children in this long messy divorce.

You can add this feud to the long list of arguments between the couple since their split. And like most divorce cases each spouse needs place blame on the other.

According to The New York Daily News, John stated, “it’s not fair to the dogs to not be wanted in their own home.”

He’s not happy he has to give the dogs up and blames Kate for not taking the responsibility of caring for the dogs.

Is it really about the dogs or just a division of assets? This might just be another thing to fight about for the couple who obviously have not agreed on most things during their divorce process.  The couple makes this very well known to the public.

This long public divorce must be hard on all parties involved and hopefully the battles will end soon. The divorce is supposed to final at the end of this month, and at least at the end of it all, the dogs will be happy in their wide open space.

Sources: New York Daily News and USA Today

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

According to the latest U.S. Census Bureau, the divorce inforgraphic below illustrates the percentage of people who declare their marital status as divorced or separated.

The Census Bureau takes a Current Population Survey every March. The statistics are from March 2008, the latest census results released.

It’s surprising to note the drastic difference between the percentage of people divorced and the percentage of people separated.

This entire divorce population isn’t represented because remarried divorcees file under the married marital status. The numbers also don’t include people who have never been married.

Created by Total Divorce.

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

Divorce can be a messy circumstance surrounded by strange occurrences. And no two situations are alike.

For instance, a Nigerian woman has recently decided to file for divorce from her husband because he can’t control his bowel movements after he’s had one too many drinks.

Oluwakemi Ogundele is looking for a divorce from her husband for defecating in her pots and pans after he drinks too much.

According to her, once he partakes in several drinks, he uses the pots and pans to do his business. She’s fed up with having to clean up after his mess not to mention, that’s not a very attractive quality to the opposite sex.

Well now she’s had enough and is ready for divorce. She’s asked the courts to dissolve the marriage based on his poor habit and that she quite simply no longer loves her husband.

But this is not the first marriage to end to lack of love and control over one’s actions.

In 2006 a Muslim couple was forced to divorce after the husband repeated the Arabic word “talak” three times in his sleep.

This is the Islamic mode of divorce in which the man must repeat this word three times usually in front of witnesses. The literal translation is to “repudiate somebody” or in simple terms to divorce or separate from someone.

After this the couple must be divorced.

The couple did take this to the elders of their village where they were told they were divorced. The elders continued to state if they wanted to be together, then they would have to remarry.

Some of us might wish it were this simple all over the world. But of course as the story shows, if divorce was this easy, it could lead to more problems than it’s worth.

There are many different circumstances surrounding divorce and some may appear to be a little bit odder than others.

Sources: Fox News and Mirror News

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

It’s the same old story:

Boy meets girl. They marry. Girl divorces boy or boy dies over the span of 100 years. Then girl now all grown into a woman moves on and marries 22 times in fear of being alone or looking for true love.

Now obviously this does not happen every day. Although most people only marry once or twice, every individual situation is different. People grow apart or pass away and the one left in the wake decides to move on.

But there are some people who have quite a few marriages for many different reasons.

According to CNN a 107-year-old woman, Wok Kundor in Malaysia, has had 22 husbands in her lifetime. They said she has had a new husband every 4 years or so. Her past relationships ended in divorce or death but she no longer focuses on the past.

Now, Kundor said she’s feeling a little insecure, and she’s afraid husband 22 might pick up his bags and search for greener pastures.

The couple has been married for 4 years and happily according to Kundor. So why is she so insecure?

Her 22^nd husband, Muhummed Boor Che Musa, left the village for a drug rehabilitation program in Kuala Lumpur, the country’s capital.

Kundor said she is afraid that while he is there, he might find someone younger and then leave her because she does not “have the body nor [is she] a young woman who can attract anyone.”

Musa is 37, so she is 70 years older than he. Quite an age difference, but up until this point it did not seem to be an issue.

Musa states he still loves his wife and does not want to live with anyone else, so the age difference does not bother him. They lived in the same village, met and fell in love.

Kundor hopes to visit Musa in the rehab center and hopefully her insecurities can be resolved and he can reassure her he loves her.

She does have a nice 50-year-old gentlemen waiting in the wings if her current marriage ends with filing divorce. Always good to be prepared.

Source: CNN

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.

People always question:

“Why did this happen to me? Why did we get divorced? Why? Why? Why?”

We all want to know the reasons for divorce, but sometimes we get so wrapped up in the process that it’s hard to take a step back and clearly look into the why’s and how’s.

Some might have thought that financial stress caused their marriage to disintegrate or maybe the ex-spouse committed an unforgivable act of cheating with another person.

But these, however stressful on a marriage these factors might be, according to a new article, neither are the number one reason people are filing divorce. According to the Salt Lake Marriage Examiner, it might be the avoidance of conflict that causes most marriages to end up in divorce.

Think about it, many people do not like conflict. They would rather sweep it under the rug and pretend like it doesn’t exist.

So how do we get out of conflict and work through tough situations like financial stress?

In many cases when couples fight, it’s hard for them to come to a resolution or agreement that they can both be happy with.

So then what happens? The anger and frustration is still there and it spills over into other parts of the relationship.

This can make it less likely that a married couple will go on dates or spend time with each other because they are letting the feelings inside boil up. And when in public, people generally feel more uncomfortable fighting.

So they just end up avoiding each other all together, thus creating more time for the anger and bitterness to sit.

According to Diane Sollee, the director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education, every couple has a few disagreements that will never be resolved because they are each two different people. She suggests that once couples understand this, then they need to learn to live with these disagreements and learn how to manage and live “around” them.

She goes on to say that you can love despite these differences and develop an understanding of the other person’s position.

Communication might be key to ending conflicts and learning to handle any situation. Lack of communication might be very hard for a marriage to withstand.

Source: Salt Lake Marriage Examiner

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved.