Debbie Does Divorce

After Michael Welsh’s second marriage ended in a messy divorce, he decided to start a social networking site centered around divorce.

Divorcenetwork.com launched in March of this year. Since then, Divorce Network gets about 6,000 unique visitors a week or 25,000 a month.

The site focuses on different aspects of divorce, including contemplation or break-up, divorce proceedings and life after divorce.

In the Marriage Break Up section, readers can get tips on marriage counseling, deciding to divorce and infidelity. There is also a section featuring the latest Hollywood splits.

The Divorce Proceedings section can help members find resources regarding filing divorce, child custody, alimony and more.  Read breaking news about all things divorce.

People can embrace divorce by reading articles related to divorce parties, dating, parenting, home buying, etc… in the Life After Divorce section.

Divorce Network is designed to give people a place to get advice about divorce and separation, but the main reason for creating the network is to give men and women the opportunity to talk with others who are experiencing or have survived divorce too.

“Eventually your friends get tired of hearing you talk about your divorce,” Welsh told Cleveland.com “This gives you another channel to do that.”

Source: Divorce Network, Cleveland.com

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved

After divorce, you may decide to take some time away from the dating scene, or you may be ready to find your true love, for real this time.

But after some time, weeks or years, you may have decided it’s time to take the big leap into marriage, again.

When preparing for a second wedding, here are some suggestions I would recommend you think about before getting too carried away with your second big day:

Announcing Your Engagement and Wedding:

1. Your children should be the first to know. Depending on how old the children are, you can talk with them about who is going to tell your ex – their other parent.

2. Let your parents and your fiancé’s parents know next.

3. If you child decides he or she doesn’t want to tell your ex-spouse, then it’s up to you to talk to your ex. How you share your big announcement with your spouse will depend on the relationship after the divorce. You may choose to tell your ex-spouse in person, over the phone or write a letter.

4. If you decide to have a party to announce your engagement, don’t expect gifts. Usually, neither the couple’s parents nor the couple hosts an actual engagement party for a second marriage.

5. Much like their first wedding, couples can mail out announcements to their guests, as well as marriage announcements after the wedding to people who weren’t invited. Usually the couple makes the announcement, instead of the parents.

The Wedding:

1. When making your guest list, think about each individual’s comfort level with your new relationship. Not everyone from your first wedding will want to participate in your second. You have the right to invite anyone you want, but you may want to consider not inviting former in-laws or ex-spouses, even if you have a good relationship with them.

2. Plan your wedding the way you want. There are no restrictions on how elaborate, elegant or intimate you make the ceremony. Typically, the couple pays for the wedding, so make sure you are well aware of your budget!

3. You and your spouse may choose to include your children in the ceremony to symbolize the joining of two families. You may need to talk to your ex about including you child in the ceremony to make sure it works out with the parenting plan.

4. First-time brides typically wear the traditional white, but with a second marriage, the bride has more leniency.  Although there’s no rule that says a second-time bride can’t wear white, many second brides may choose to wear a formal dress with some color.

The Reception:

1. Plan the reception the way you want it, but think about your situation when making your choices.

2. You may not expect or want gifts, but as a couple, you should still complete a bridal registry. Even if you already have everything you need, people might want to bring a gift to celebrate the happy occasion. Consider asking for gift cards to restaurants, donations to charities, small electronics, picture frames or gift baskets. You may consider asking for contributions to the honeymoon or your new life together if you don’t feel comfortable registering.

3. Your receiving line may be a little different than your last wedding. Typically, parents don’t stand in the receiving line but your children may join you.

Really, how you choose to celebrate is completely up to you. The most important thing is that you mark your new life with that special someone in a way that is memorable to you.

Weddings and ceremonies are so different these days, that there aren’t many traditions that haven’t been broken; however, second marriages can be a touchy subject for some, so just consider these tips:

1. Don’t have your second wedding in the same location, wear the same dress or use rings from a past relationship.

2. Make your second wedding unique and don’t copy from your first marriage.

3. Keep the focus on you and your new spouse. Don’t bring up either ex.

4. Register for gifts, even if you don’t want them.

5. Celebrate the new love in a way that means something special to you and your new spouse.

6. Include your children if they are willing to participate.

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved

After filing divorce, you may have mixed feelings about living with a significant other again. The divorce may have left you jaded and ready to just spend some time focusing on yourself, career and kids.

But after the divorce is finalized, you may feel like the right person is out there for you, and now you know, it will take some time to find. After being set up on blind dates, suffering through dry dinner conversation and taking a stab at online dating, you think you have finally found some one worth it. You are considering the next big step: moving in.

What can you do to make sure this time is different?

1. Stop Right There - Don’t compare what you did or didn’t have in the past with what you’ve got now. Things will be different: There will be new habits to adjust to, serious discussions to have and ways to adapt to each other. Your new living partner doesn’t want to hear about how your last significant other did something – wrong or right. You may find some of the habits your new significant other has are similar to habits that drove you nuts in the past. Remember, this is a new relationship, and you will have to work through these issues again.

2. Communicate – There may have been many issues in your past marriage, but most likely one of the biggest reasons for your divorce is because there was a lack of communication. Don’t make the same mistake twice. Be open with your new partner about what you want. He or she can’t guess that you don’t like the chair under the window because then the dog spends the whole day barking at the neighbors. By the time you got through your divorce, communication might have been tense between you and your ex about family matters, but this is a new relationship where you can discuss important topics openly.

3. Be Accepting – Each one of you has possessions the other one wouldn’t pick out for themselves. Your new significant other may hate the pink bathroom towels as much as you don’t care for his orange couch. Or you may not be as crazy about her furry pillows, while she doesn’t like your framed pictures of Brett Favre. But it’s time to compromise and work with each other to figure out what you can live with and what simply must go. Understand that if you want to get rid of his collection of beer posters, you will need to be willing to give up that purple shag rug.

4. Respect Each Other – The fighting over the home is over. You’re divorce was finalized a long time ago. You and your new significant other should work with each other to talk about what’s really important. You will not agree on everything but you can give the other person time to express how he or she feels and acknowledge they have a valid point.

5. Proceed with Caution – You may know that you are really in love this time, but it’s a good idea to take the time to be sure. As you both continue to grow and learn as a couple, you will find new and “interesting” quirks about each other. It’s hard to slow down when you feel the rush of a new love, but it’s even harder to say goodbye. Make sure you both know where you stand about important issues before you jump in head first.

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved

Recently a woman submitted a question to Dr. Gail Saltz, a contributor to TODAYShow.com, asking how to talk about signing a prenup with her boyfriend.  The woman was unsure about asking for a prenup because she was afraid it had a hidden message that she felt the marriage wouldn’t last.

When I typically think about a prenup, I get the visual of a very young woman or man suducing an older lady or gentleman into a marriage that ends with an ugly divorce. Although he or she didn’t earn it, the younger companion gets half of everything – maybe even making out like a bandit.

But as the divorce rate has grown over the years, prenuptial agreements are becoming something you don’t want to be without.  A premarital agreement can do much more than protect your money. If you are considering having children together or own a family business, a prenuptail agreement can help protect your interests in the future.

If your soon-to-be spouse is asking you to sign a prenup or you are considering arranging one, it may help if you consider another viewpoint about what a prenup means. The meaning behing the agreement has evolved, so the way we factor prenups into our lives.

A prenuptial agreement is a plan of attack in case something happens. We do so much preparation for emergencies in our lives – how should this be any different? We write wills even when we don’t plan on passing anytime soon. We buy home and car insurance even though nothing has happened to our car or home.

Prenuptial agreements can actually help protect yourself, even if you are the one with less money or assets. CNNMoney.com featured an article about the way prenups can give you an advantage:

• Learn to be honest and communicate about finances
• Establish net worth for yourself
• Protect yourself from state law with a valid agreement

Discussing a prenup may be hard, but if you are going to commit to spending the rest of your life with a person, you will need to talk about difficult topics like chilren, religion and finances. And remember, a prenuptial agreement is a benefit for both of you.

If you and your spouse agree to get a prenup, it’s a good idea to get lgel representation to make sure the agreement is valid and in the best interest (for the most part) of both spouses.  A lawyer familiar with divorce and family laws will be able to advice you on what to include in your prenuptial agreement.

Looking to get in touch with a family law attorney to ask some questions? Connect today with a lawyer near you for help with prenuptial agreements.

Copyright © 2009 TotalDivorce, Inc. (as licensee). All rights reserved