After filing divorce, you may have mixed feelings about living with a significant other again. The divorce may have left you jaded and ready to just spend some time focusing on yourself, career and kids.
But after the divorce is finalized, you may feel like the right person is out there for you, and now you know, it will take some time to find. After being set up on blind dates, suffering through dry dinner conversation and taking a stab at online dating, you think you have finally found some one worth it. You are considering the next big step: moving in.
What can you do to make sure this time is different?
1. Stop Right There - Don’t compare what you did or didn’t have in the past with what you’ve got now. Things will be different: There will be new habits to adjust to, serious discussions to have and ways to adapt to each other. Your new living partner doesn’t want to hear about how your last significant other did something – wrong or right. You may find some of the habits your new significant other has are similar to habits that drove you nuts in the past. Remember, this is a new relationship, and you will have to work through these issues again.
2. Communicate – There may have been many issues in your past marriage, but most likely one of the biggest reasons for your divorce is because there was a lack of communication. Don’t make the same mistake twice. Be open with your new partner about what you want. He or she can’t guess that you don’t like the chair under the window because then the dog spends the whole day barking at the neighbors. By the time you got through your divorce, communication might have been tense between you and your ex about family matters, but this is a new relationship where you can discuss important topics openly.
3. Be Accepting – Each one of you has possessions the other one wouldn’t pick out for themselves. Your new significant other may hate the pink bathroom towels as much as you don’t care for his orange couch. Or you may not be as crazy about her furry pillows, while she doesn’t like your framed pictures of Brett Favre. But it’s time to compromise and work with each other to figure out what you can live with and what simply must go. Understand that if you want to get rid of his collection of beer posters, you will need to be willing to give up that purple shag rug.
4. Respect Each Other – The fighting over the home is over. You’re divorce was finalized a long time ago. You and your new significant other should work with each other to talk about what’s really important. You will not agree on everything but you can give the other person time to express how he or she feels and acknowledge they have a valid point.
5. Proceed with Caution – You may know that you are really in love this time, but it’s a good idea to take the time to be sure. As you both continue to grow and learn as a couple, you will find new and “interesting” quirks about each other. It’s hard to slow down when you feel the rush of a new love, but it’s even harder to say goodbye. Make sure you both know where you stand about important issues before you jump in head first.
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