Is a Child-Friendly Divorce Possible?
If you're like most parents, the safety and wellbeing of your children is at the front of your mind all the time. And if you find yourself in the situation of getting a divorce, you'll be even more aware of how the decisions you make and the attitude you have will rub off on your child or children. What most parents facing divorce want to know is: is there such a thing as child-friendly divorce?
Of course, the true answer is, it depends on your, your spouse and your children. There's no one magic formula to make everything work smoothly in a best case scenario, especially if you and your spouse are in the midst of a contested divorce. But there are a few things to keep in mind that help you and your spouse make your divorce as family-friendly as possible.
Children and Fighting
Most couples want to shield their children from fighting, believing that children will be poisoned by hostility or think poorly of their parents if they see open disagreement. Of course, if parents cannot work out differences or express emotions in a positive manner, and have to resort to fighting, it is certainly not a positive model and could present a poor example for learning how to resolve their own differences.
However, some experts believe that seeing a moderate amount of conflict between parents may be a healthy way for them to face the reality of the divorce, of learning how to cope with you and your spouse being apart in the future. It's particularly traumatic for a child to be given devastating and confusing news like a divorce with no warning; the act of processing a new life and new relationships with both parents will take time, and so keeping discussion and disagreements open - according to appropriateness of age - instead of trying to keep everything hidden could help that process unfold.
Custody Arrangements
While many parents are able to make joint custody arrangements work, many family courts will award sole physical custody to one parent or the other, believing that a single, stable home location with one parent plus a visiting parent is better for a child's upbringing than splitting time evenly between two homes. In this case, the non-custodial parent is usually given generous visitation rights.
Visitations and shared custody arrangements can be a source of great frustration for both parents, because your personal disagreements can easily trickle down into and affect your relationships with your children. However, supporting your children's relationship with your former spouse, no matter how hard it is, can be one of the most crucial ways to help your children adjust to their new life.
This can be done by making sure that you make every effort to keep appointments and spouse's time with the child intact; by encouraging your spouse to attend school functions, athletic games or other events in which your child participates; and by making an effort to verbally and openly encourage the relationship to your child.
The Relief of a Divorce Lawyer
Hiring a lawyer to take care of the legal end of things, while you spend your mental and emotional energy managing arrangements for you and your children, is one of the best ways that you can prepare everyone for divorce. While the complexities of these legal preparations may cause you some stress, you will be better able to respond to your needs and think through things carefully if you have someone doing the heavy lifting when it comes to the law. You can explore other areas of the Total Divorce site for more information on finding a divorce lawyer near you.
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Children and Divorce: Nothing's Perfect
In a difficult and traumatic situation like divorce, in which decisions have long-term consequences and the gravity of the situation makes emotions run high, it's important to have realistic expectations of yourself and your children. Separated parents may not be the ideal situation for your children, but when you understand that nothing in life can be perfect, you will be better prepared to realistically move forward in creating a new life for you and your family!
Explore our other resources for more information:
- Learn your state's divorce and child support laws at our State Laws page.
- Learn more about filing for the divorce by examining the divorce process.
- Call our toll-free hotline at 1-877-349-1310 or fill out our online case evaluation form to be connected to a divorce lawyer practicing in your area to answer questions or get your divorce proceedings started!