Domestic Abuse - Are You at Risk?
By: Gerri L Elder
Victims of domestic abuse often feel trapped in
relationships and confused about getting into a bad situation. Whirlwind romances often take a new and
disturbing direction after the passion cools.
Many abusers may not begin the cycle of domestic abuse until
after the wedding, when the victim feels "locked in" to the
relationship; however, there are often
warning signs and red flags long before the first act of abuse occurs. Abusers are often possessive and demanding while professing their
undying love for their victims. They may
try to fast track the relationship to marriage to feel more in control
of their victims.
After the first act of domestic abuse, whether it is verbal
or physical abuse, domestic abusers often blame the victim for provoking them
or try to justify the abuse in other ways. Abusers are usually unable to take responsibility for their actions and
may deny that they were abusive.
The abuser will generally show deep remorse after a cooling
off period. They apologize profusely for
the abuse and promise to get help. The expression of regret and shame is used as
a mechanism to bring the victim back under the abusers control and not to try and leave the marriage or file for divorce.
Key Warning Signs
If you believe you may be in a relationship with or married
to an abuser, keep an eye out for key warning signs.
- If your partner has anger management issues and
kicks, throws or breaks things when angry
- Any abuse of animals or children
- Substance abusers are also often spousal
abusers
- If your spouse demands to be in control at all
times, and "puts you in your place" regularly, you may already be a
victim of emotional abuse
- Partners who are extremely jealous or who have
been violent towards other people may become violent in a relationship
End the Cycle of
Abuse Today
Abusers often exercise extreme control over their
victims. This can make a victim of
domestic abuse feel too weak to end the relationship, file for divorce or
otherwise stop the abuser. If you are a
victim of domestic abuse, it may take all the inner strength you can gather to
get out.
If you do not have an emotional support system readily
available, you may feel too ashamed or frightened to make a move to stop the
abuse. However, you must realize your
own worth to stop being a victim.
Seek shelter away from an abuser and end the
cycle of abuse now. If you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse, please
contact The National Domestic Violence Coalition at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) from a secure phone and safe location or
visit http://www.ndvh.org for help.
