By Gerri Elder
Many people may have difficulty coping with their feelings of sadness over a failed relationship and may sink into depression after a divorce; however, you can allow yourself to grieve after divorce while using the experience as a vehicle for personal growth at the same time.
Although it may be a bitter pill to swallow, most divorces are not the fault of one spouse, but a combination of events and actions of both parties. By reflecting on the marriage and reasons for the divorce, you can gain a greater understanding of the role you may have played in the breakdown of the relationship.
It can be difficult to assign blame to yourself, but at the same time, it's important to evaluate the relationship honestly. After you understand and accept your part of the blame, you can move forward without repeating the same mistakes.
If your divorce was a particularly bitter one, you may need to search yourself to find the value in forgiveness. By forgiving your ex-spouse, you can cleanse yourself of the negativity associated with your divorce. Although you may not want to cultivate a friendship with your ex-spouse, letting go of anger and bitterness can help you grow as a person and prepare yourself for a healthy relationship in the future.
After divorce, you may feel a great deal of self-doubt. This can be especially true if you were a dependent spouse or have a negative self-image. If co-dependency was a negative aspect of your marriage, after divorce you will need to gather the inner strength and confidence to move forward. This can be very difficult for a person who has depended on spouse for security and counseling may help you realize your own value as an independent person.
Guilt is another emotion that may cripple you after a divorce, especially if you have children. Although you may be able to accept your share of the blame for the divorce and let go of your anger, you may still feel guilty about the circumstances of the divorce.
Divorce can be particularly hard on children. It's especially important that you effectively deal with all negative aspects of the divorce, including guilt, and focus on positive parenting. If you are happy, secure, and have cleared your conscience, you can better help your child deal with the emotions they may be feeling.
Fully recovering from a divorce can require soul searching and complete honesty about yourself and your feelings. It can be an emotional time but is one with the potential to allow you to grow as a person. This personal growth can benefit many aspects of your life.
When you have fully healed from your divorce, you can emerge with a more positive outlook at life and relationships. By learning and growing from the divorce experience, you will be better equipped to enter a healthy relationship in the future.