Personal Growth after Divorce
By: Gerri L Elder
Many people may have difficulty coping with
their feelings of sadness over a failed relationship and may sink into
depression after a divorce; however, you can allow
yourself to grieve after divorce while using the experience as a
vehicle for personal growth at the same time.
Although it may be a bitter pill to swallow, most divorces
are not the fault of one spouse, but a combination of events and actions of
both parties. By reflecting on the
marriage and reasons for the divorce, you can gain a greater understanding of
the role you may have played in the breakdown of the relationship.
It can be difficult to assign blame to
yourself, but at the same time, it's important to evaluate the relationship
honestly. After you understand and
accept your part of the blame, you can move forward without repeating the same
mistakes.
If your divorce was a particularly bitter one, you may need
to search yourself to find the value in forgiveness. By forgiving your ex-spouse, you can cleanse
yourself of the negativity associated with your divorce. Although you may not want to
cultivate a friendship with your ex-spouse, letting go of anger and bitterness
can help you grow as a person and prepare yourself for
a healthy relationship in the future.
Dealing with Your Emotions After Divorce
After divorce, you may feel a great deal of self-doubt. This can be especially true if you were a
dependent spouse or have a negative self-image. If co-dependency was a negative aspect of your marriage, after divorce
you will need to gather the inner strength and confidence to move forward. This can be very difficult for a person who
has depended on spouse for security and counseling may help you realize your
own value as an independent person.
Guilt is another emotion that may cripple you after a
divorce, especially if you have children. Although you may be able to accept your share of the blame for the
divorce and let go of your anger, you may still feel guilty about the
circumstances of the divorce.
Divorce
can be particularly hard on children. It's especially important that you effectively deal with all
negative aspects of the divorce, including guilt, and focus on positive
parenting. If you are happy, secure,
and have cleared your conscience, you can better help your child deal with the
emotions they may be feeling.
Fully recovering
from a divorce can require soul searching and complete honesty about yourself
and your feelings. It can be an
emotional time but is one with the potential to allow you to grow as a
person. This personal growth can benefit
many aspects of your life.
When you have fully healed from your divorce, you can emerge
with a more positive outlook at life and relationships. By learning and growing from the divorce
experience, you will be better equipped to enter a healthy relationship in the
future.
